Sometimes the Process Sucks

Today was a hard day... 

I am not even sure why I'm writing. I'm trying to stick to a schedule and I feel like I'm behind and I honestly have nothing to write about which makes this kinda freaky and unfiltered. Naked. 

I do better with a plan...

Not very artsy sounding...

Most of what I talk about so far seems to be the unromantic side of art though... The process. The dedication. I don't really know what I'm doing here. Writing I mean. It is supposed to be good for my website. 

SEO.

All that sexy stuff. 

I love the idea of talking about art but finding the time is another story. I originally wanted to talk about my favorite paintings. Discuss how they influenced my own work, what I find so wonderful about them. I figured talking about other paintings would probably help me talk about my own work better too. I feel like talking about my paintings is a lot like hearing myself recorded. It just sounds weird.

Like, you want to go into all these details about the process and then you wonder who the hell is even reading this and do they even care about process? Maybe they want to know more about the emotional part of making art. Uh, no Phil. 

They want the sexy stuff. 

The magic. 

I don't know if it even exists. I mean a day like today... Where you have to talk yourself into sitting down every single time you go to work. And you keep taking breaks cause the painting doesn't want to talk to you today. Or maybe it's that you are in the wrong frame of mind and just can't relate. Maybe the painting is screaming at you but you've got your fingers in your ears and you're singing along way too loud to whatever is on Alexa. 

It doesn't feel magical. 

It feels frustrating. And draining. And it makes me wonder what the hell I'm doing. 

I'm just ready for new stuff. Anxious for it.

While I was staring at my painting and trying to plan out what I was going to do tomorrow I did have a really cool idea about my word portrait series so that was kinda magical. And to me it was sexy. And I really have no way to explain it except to say that I think it was triggered by watching someone "Activate their canvas." 

I think it would be interesting to treat the canvas like the person is under it. So even though the portrait is ultimately supposed to be a window into a deeper universe. The idea of the canvas acting as a window into the portrait itself adds an interesting layer of depth to me. 

And if I'm perfectly honest I just like how I can picture it in my mind. :)